Word I Couldn't Say
by Gothicthundra
Summary: Draco Malfoy publishes a book three years after the war about what happened to him during the war. The wizarding world is pulled into it, read his tale with the others and find out the things he never said. Action, Drama, Horror, Love, Loss, Hope.
1. The Dark Sides Pull

Words I Couldn't Say

Draco Malfoy publishes a book three years after the war about what happened to him during the war. The wizarding world is pulled into it, read his tale with the others and find out the things he never said. Action, Drama, Horror, Love, Loss, Pain, and Hope.

**Words I Couldn't Say**

**Chapter 1**

**The Dark Side's Pull**

It had been everywhere that they'd went. On Book shop shelves and in the paper and magazines. The writer used the pen name Orion's Foe. Which anyone who actually paid attention to astronomical history, they would know this as Draco the Dragon. Not many did know this however, or perhaps it wouldn't have sold as well. Never the less, it seemed that the book, _Words I Couldn't Say_, was a household name. You could see nearly every wizard and witch walking around Diagonally with the book in hands. It had made its way over seas to the America's and Arctic. Even Rita Skeeter had been pulled into this epidemic.

_The captivating _

_tale of a You-Know-Who's _

_Death Eater. __**Words I Couldn't**_

_**Say **__is the hottest best_

_seller of the year. Even,_

_shockingly, topping my_

_novels. But I do not hold _

_this as a bad thing, well_

_really, I am rather annoyed._

_But the book itself has even _

_gained my approval._

_I must admit that I,_

_Rita Skeeter, favor_

_this novel above my own_

_work. For a Full Review on_

_the greatest sensation_

_sweeping the wizarding_

_nation,_

_go to _page 4.

-Rita Skeeter,

Daily Prophet.

The full article on page 4, was actually page 4. People who hadn't read the book, found it hard to resist. Even non-readers had begun to read short notes by friends or had been pulled into reading it. On the introduction, one couldn't put the book down. Though it was short, it made the readers stay. This was true for Rita Skeeter, as she picked up the book and began to to read the introduction, simply titled; _The Dark Side's Pull_. She turned the page and began to read.

_In the light there is always darkness. Dark _

_and light can not exist without the other. _

_The same lies with good and evil. There _

_is the gray and the inconclusive, but that _

_does not mean you are not party to a _

_crime or unjust. Standing aside is just as _

_bad. Excepting things without contemplation _

_makes you brainless and soulless drone. _

_Have you ever been told something, and _

_excepted it without reason, just because _

_of who said it? Have you ever wanted a _

_taste for power, money, glory, and to _

_have the people you hated cower in your_

_presance? _

_If you say no, I doubt this. Just once, perhaps? _

_When the anger rose and life seemed swirled, _

_have your found yourself wanting to escape? _

_Wanting to run? Wanting that power to finally _

_have control? Since time had been, the darkest _

_of places always held fear, which meant it had _

_power. Since time, humans have always wanted _

_to harness the dark, so they could have power. _

_For many, You-Know-Who held this secret, _

_and only shared it with his followers, his dark _

_army. The Death Eaters. Despite however _

_many teenagers yell about it and complain, _

_when we are young. We don't always think _

_right, we are selfish to a point and we want _

_power at one point or another. I found the _

_dark side alluring, and I fell into it when my _

_world crashed, when I told myself revenge was _

_what I wanted. I had fallen for The Dark Side's Pull._

Rita turned the page, and so did....

**TBC**


	2. Why?

**Words I Couldn't Say**

**Chapter 2**

**Why?**

Hermione Granger turned the page in a trance, Ron had told her it was stupid to read this rubbish. She knew she shouldn't have told him who the author really was. He could have gone the rest of his life never knowing, but nope, she opened her mouth and told him. She looked at the title of the new chapter, _Why? _She tilted her head and read on, cuddled up in the bay window of Grimwald Place as Harry walked by.

**Why? **

_Every child asks this question when they grow up_,

_even if it sometimes doesn't make sense. _

_My family believed in the old pureblood way. _

_The normal things; muggle borns didn't belong, _

_blood traders where beneath you, money is _

_everything; those things. I was taught that way, _

_as well as one must marry pure. Sometimes this _

_meant arrangements, others your were given a choice. _

_When I was younger, why wasn't the most I could say. _

_When my father said muggle borns were mudbloods, _

_but I shouldn't say that in public; I asked why. He _

_told me they were outcasts and didn't belong. He_

_talked about in olden times with witch hunts. He _

_told me how many pureblood families were _

_destroyed by muggles and their stupidity for _

_killing young wizards and witches who could_

_not control their powers. _

_Hermione read this part over, she remembered reading about such a thing in her brief class of muggle studies and her education on History of Magic.. It was what had stemmed the hatred for muggles in the wizarding world. Though most youth had been desensitize to it over the years, some pureblood families kept an updated version of the wtich trials. This had given her an understanding as to why so many pureblood families still held anger towards muggles._

_This did not answer my question on muggleborns, _

_but started a fear of muggles. My thought as a child _

_was that it was because they felt that way towards _

_muggleborns and it wasn't fair to them. But as I _

_grew older and the sweetness of childhood drifted, _

_I understood what my family meant. They simply_

_didn't belong. Yes, that is what I thought. _

_When I was told about blood traders, I had a harder _

_time with this when I was younger. They were not _

_muggles and they were pure. But I was told that they _

_were worse because they let the muggle born become _

_higher then them. Why? I never received an answer, _

_but I excepted it and moved on. _

_When I was older and You-Know-Who was a subject _

_that I could listen and join into. It was foolish to ask _

_why, but I was automaticly answered. When I thought; _

_why is he so important? Someone would tell me it _

_was because he had power. He wanted to purify the _

_wizarding world. _

_When his corruption started after his second rising, _

_I was blind to its effect. With time I became more _

_blind to what it was. Blinded by rage, revenge, and _

_anger. All towards an individual that could have _

_been helpful during this time. Had I learned to say _

_the words. Had I learned to ask why with actual _

_concern instead of a child's curious thought. _

_Yes, the word why is what started the shape of_

_my life, it's the key to this story._

Hermione looked at the chapter, reading onwards and on the footnotes. She couldn't tear her eyes away. She sat in thought on how many purebloods were taught like this. It was good insight to a persons mind, she continued reading onwards, completely entrap.

**TBC**


	3. Sorry

**Words I Couldn't Say**

**Chapter 3**

**I'm Sorry**

Harry sat at his desk and read on from where he'd left off the day before. He wanted to get to the part were Draco got in over his head, but he didn't see that coming for at least one or two more chapters. Teddy was staying the night, but was now tucked away in bed. A single candle was lit at Harry's desk located in his den. His attention taken by the first sentence.

**Sorry.**

_A simple word that I never managed to say, _

_and for that I regret dearly. When I was _

_younger, whenever I did something wrong;_

_such as throwing a tantrum at a tutor,_

_I would never say sorry even if I knew I was_

_in the wrong. I was never taught to be sorry,_

_according to my parents, every time I had_

_a tantrum or broke something; it became_

_to be whatever had broken or caused _

_my anger; the fault fell on them._

_Harry snorted, he knew what that was like. He felt bad for whoever or whatever had caused stress to Draco when he was younger. He had dealt with the The Dursley's and how Dudley was raised. He tried imagining the Dursley's except with wands, angry at what had upset their son. The result was almost humorous, but also slightly frightening. He read over some discussions on how it had been a horrible way to be raised, and agreed. He re-read a part a second after reading it. Draco was referring to him._

_It fell upon me in my first year, the realization_

_slowly started, but I still found myself above it._

_This story began in a clothing shop, where I_

_first met a person that would haunt..no..._

_start the process of corrupting the world I had_

_been taught of._

_I had stood on the stand when a very odd _

_boy came in, jumpy and very strange. I found _

_myself curious at this oddball. His clothes_

_and looks were different from the kids I had_

_grown up with. He fascinated me, with his_

_short answers. Then I met him again on the_

_train to school that year, I ran into him again._

_I knew his name this time, and had decided to_

_continue the talk we had started in the shop._

_But I got sidetracked by his company, a person_

_I had been told never to talk to. Needless to _

_say I opened my mouth and insulted them,_

_causing a long and twisted rivalry. I do not_

_doubt, that had I kept my mouth shut or _

_made a verbal apology, that fate would have_

_been slightly altered._

_Harry stopped there and contemplated this taught. He was almost certain, had an apology occurred, it would have been different. As much as he detested the thought when he was growing up, he and Draco were similar. Ron and Draco had a similar personality. Had the fates been different, he could have honestly seen a friendship developing between the three. At the same time, dwelling on what could have been and what is and was, were not worth the effort. He put his legs up on the stool under his desk and stretched out to continue his reading. Then a small green haired toddler leaned in the doorway, struck by a nightmare, Harry placed the book down to comfort his godson._

**TBC**


	4. I Love You

**Word's I Couldn't Say**

**Chapter 6**

**I Love You**

A muggle women sat in her kitchen, early one morning. Her witch daughter was making eggs on the stove. A book had been sent to her daughter weeks ago by wizarding mail, but her daughter had turned away from the other world for going on a little over three years. Since the war, which her daughter refused to talk about. The book may have annoyed her daughter, but she had been captivated by its black color and green and silver lettering. She had sense put a cover over it, as the colors had caused the broken witch to run to her room in hysterics upon first sight. She opened the book to the chapter she had been dying to get too. The final chapter in the twelve chapter book.

**I Love You**

_There are MANY things I regret in the time_

_as a death eater, but one stains my heart most_

_of all. This chapter is a story, one which will_

_haunt me forever more. As I mentioned before,_

_blood was everything. So when I found myself_

_falling for one of un-pure blood I was firstly _

_horrified. _

_I met her in my fifth year, sheerly on accident._

_My first thought about her was that she had_

_brilliantly colored eyes and a warm face. Then_

_upon finding out she was neither pure nor half,_

_but an actual muggleborn; well my thought _

_was broken and she became annoying and ugly._

_In the years to come I came across her in certain_

_classes. I found myself boggled by her, at one _

_moment she was full of distaste and the next_

_she befuttled me. Then during my problem year,_

_she was the only one to actually ask how I was_

_and what was wrong, apart from a non-living_

_being. _

_I did not see her after the time she questioned_

_me with a note in Astronomy, until nearly a_

_year later. I came across her during a raid,_

_where she had tried to protect some muggle_

_children with an "illegal" wand. I had _

_avoided the raids and I only apperated when_

_I thought it was over or after I had aided _

_some muggles out. _

_She had been wounded and it was a holiday _

_and I knew no one would mind me being _

_gone. There was a small abandoned house I _

_knew of, so I took her there. As she got better_

_and her trauma slowly drained, we talked._

_I had been slowly losing my trust in the _

_beliefs of my teachings. Then it happened;_

_one day I looked into her eyes as we sat_

_on the porch of the house, I had cloaked_

_it with a spell so we could freely stare out._

_When our eyes met and she smiled at me,_

_I knew it. I had fallen for a muggleborn and_

_all at once, all my teachings began to flood._

_I was afraid of how I felt. Then as the sun _

_went down she said it, as she gazed at the_

_rotting floor boards, "I Love You," and I_

_apperated. _

_That was the last day I saw here, she was_

_not at the battle and no one had seen her._

_When I finished my schooling after the war,_

_I didn't see her there either. I looked. _

_Now all I think about when I look at_

_water is how I may have lost the only_

_person I have ever truly loved. I think _

_of the way her voice carried softly and_

_her long hair draped in the rain. I _

_ask myself why couldn't I say those three_

_words that now I would shout from the_

_highest tower for her. _

_The muggle women read on, her heart beating. She looked over at her daughter, she had been trying to her her to read it. Now she was determined. She had read the letter that had come with it, unlike her daughter. It had come from a girl named Hannah in London, where her daughter had gone to school before the war drove her overseas. _

"Delilah, sweet heart. You should read this chapter...." she was cut off.

"Mother, I don't want anything to do with the other world. That includes books and stories. All that world causes is pain and hopelessness," she said as she placed eggs on two plates.

"If you wont read it, I'll tell you about it." the women cleared her throat.

"Mother, please don't do this," sighed Delilah.

"The man, a pure-blood..."

"Selfish and stuck up bastards," grumbled the girl.

"Watch your tongue. Well he fell in love with a muggleborn witch,"

"Good for him,"

"And she loved him..."

"Ain't she a right fool,"

"Will you let me continue," sighed her mother.

"I'm listening," she sighed and looked at her mother.

"Well she told him, but he was too frightened of how he had been taught. So he... apperated right after she said it.... isn't that when you pop about...." the book was torn from her mothers hands.

"Wait.... fifth year.... Astronomy.. the attack.... porch.... " Delilah flipped the cover and read the author, "Draco.... too afraid, bunch of poppy cock."

"What?" her mother hadn't remembered reading that name.... in fact there were no names in the book.

"It's all lies. Love... yeah right. That obnoxious prat is incapable of it," Delilah went to re-wash dishes, as there hadn't been any.

"So... this Draco is the writer?" she had no response, and then it clicked; the word death eaters, the colors, the hatred towards love, the recognition, "Your the girl?" A dish smashed in the sink, but she kept washing... then.

"He's a git and he's not worth reading about," she snapped, and where the book had been a moment ago, burst into flame.

"DELILAH!" yelled her mother as she poured water on the fire.

"...sorry."

"Well I think he means it, it continues. It talks about letters that always came back and then some he's written in here...." the book was again snatched away from her.

"There is not..." she tossed the book on the counter, her voice very soft as she turned back to the dishes.

"You still love him," her mother sighed, ".... write to him."

"I don't."

"Delilah Johanna Dane," her mother was persistent.

"Maybe I do.... but... but what would I say. It's been over three years...." she stared at the water.

"You'll know," and her mother left the book on the table.

**TBC**


	5. Find Me

**Words I Couldn't Say**

**Chapter 5**

**Find Me**

Delilah tapped her old quill debating what to write to him, if she even should. Her mother had pestered her for three whole days to write Draco a letter. The truth was she had written over a hundred in the past three years, each had been torn up, screamed at, or thrown away. She began to write with a slow and deliberate pace.

_Dear Draco,_

..... She threw it in the trash. This went on for hours and hours. Some she managed to get at least two sentences on. She yanked at her dark brown hair in frustration, why could she just tell him. Tell him how he hurt her, most likely because she couldn't bare anymore pain. She had pushed this world behind her, given up her wand and magic, given up her friends. All to escape what had happened during the war. She began to think about it, working out the reasons why she shouldn't write to him, versus why she should. It all came back to the night of the raid. An hour of torture and pain didn't feel half as bad as the rejection. In her frustrated thoughts, she snapped her Quill in two. She sighed and picked up a muggle pen and began to write again.

Draco Malfoy sat in the empty Malfoy Manor in silence. It had been like this for nearly three years, two he was here for. His parents had moved away from britain to avoid all the negativity, and Draco, in stupidity had stayed behind to live in a large and empty home. It was filled with both good and bad memories. As snow began to fall outside his window, a tap came from it. A large post owl held a single letter. Draco suspected it might be from work or something, but when he took the letter from the owl, he noticed the fact it had gone through muggle-wizard transfer mail. He was about to toss it, but something made him sit down and open it. He noticed the writing wasn't in ink but muggle pen, and as he looked at the handwriting he knew it was her. He'd only ever seen it once before when she'd wrote to him in school. He read it and his heart sunk, there was no header or footer, nor was there any return address. Simply written was:

_**When you left, it rained.**_

Draco slapped his hand on the desk. Three years and thats all she could write to him, he was angry, humiliated, and felt lost. He wanted more, he needed more. There was no way of communicating with her if she lived out of britain, but this meant she was at least getting wizard books. If he couldn't contact her directly, then he'd find another way.

**TBC**


End file.
